[Trash-talk] NGR:Fwd: Top 10's....(Part 1)

Sat Feb 1 12:13:59 PST 2003

I surely hope there is not a part 2 because

1. part one was NOT entertaining and lame
2. i hate... no no... i LOATHE getting this sort of shit in my inbox

i definitely prefer the mindless banter that goes on w/ this list then
stupid chain letter crap-ola

>>Top Ten Signs Your Cat Has Learned Your AOL Password
>>
>>10. You begin receiving email from a guy named "Fluffy."
>>
>>9. There are traces of kitty litter in your keyboard.
>>
>>8. Your mouse has teeth marks in it ... and a strange aroma of tuna.
>>
>>7. Your web browser has a new home page: http://www.feline.com/.
>>
>>6. There are kitty carpal-tunnel braces near the scratching post.
>>
>>5. You find hate-mail messages to Apple Computer about their release of
>>  "CyberDog" in your outbox.
>>
>>4. Your new ergonomic keyboard has a strange territorial scent to it.
>>
>>3. You keep finding new software around your house like Mouse Hunter
>> and  WarCat II.
>>
>>2. You have a new screen name called IronMouser.
>>
>>1. You find you've been subscribed to strange newsgroups like
>>alt.recreational.catnip.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> Top 10 Things People Think the 98 in Windows 98 Really Stands For
>>
>>10. The number of floppy disks it ships on.
>>
>>9. The percentage of people who will have to upgrade their hardware.
>>
>>8. The gigabytes of hard disk space required to store it.
>>
>>7.The number of pages in the "Quick Install" version of the manual.
>>
>>6. The number of hours it takes to install.
>>
>>5. The number of people in millions who will buy Windows 98 without
>> knowing  why.
>>
>>4. The number of calls to tech support before you can get it to run.
>>
>>3. The number of minutes you will be on hold before tech support picks
>> up  the phone.
>>
>>2. The percentage of existing software that won't run any better on the
>> new  operating system.
>>
>>1.The net worth in billions of dollars for Bill Gates by the time the
>> next  version of Windows ships.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> The Top 10 Things You Don't Want To Hear From Technical Support
>>
>>10. So, what are you wearing?
>>
>>9. Bummer! Duuuuuuuude!
>>
>>8. Looks like you're going to need some new dilythium crystals, Capt'n.
>>
>>7. Press 1 for support. Press 2 if you want it today. Press 3 to buy
>> the  company.
>>
>>6. We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of
>> Duct  Tape, and a car battery.
>>
>>5. I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
>>
>>4. In layman's terms, it's kaput!
>>
>>3. Hold on a second....MOM! Timmy's hitting me!
>>
>>2. Okay, turn to page 463 in your copy of Dianetics.
>>
>>1. Please hold for Mr. Gates' attorney.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>> Top 10 Trivia Facts You Need to Know
>>
>>10. The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were
>> Fred  and Wilma Flintstone.
>>
>>9. Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
>>
>>8. The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28% The percentage of
>> North  America that is wilderness: 38%
>>
>>7. Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
>>
>>6. The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in
>> 1910.
>>
>>5. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from
>> history: Spades - King David; Hearts - Charlemagne; Clubs -Alexander,
>> the  Great; Diamonds - Julius Caesar
>>
>>4. 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
>>
>>3. Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them
>>  looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
>>
>>2. In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by
>> ropes.  When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the
>> bed firmer  to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
>>
>>1. No NFL team that plays its home games in a domed stadium has ever
>> won a  Super bowl.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Top 10 Bad Excuses for Speeding
>>
>>10. My brakes weren't working, officer, but hey what do ya
>> know...they're  working just fine now.
>>
>>9. Do you mind, officer, I'm missing Wheel-of-Fortune.
>>
>>8. If you'd be willing to look the other way this one time, officer,
>> I'd  make it worth your while... say, a rent one get one free coupon
>> for  Skippy's Video Galore?
>>
>>7. I was just making sure that your radar gun was working properly. 140
>>  KPH, you say? Yep, it's in perfect condition.
>>
>>6. I'm sorry, officer, but I'm rushing my wife to the hospital. Where's
>> my  wife? I knew I forgot something!
>>
>>5. It's urgent that I get home to answer the telephone.
>>
>>4. The devil made me do it.
>>
>>3. I'm employed by O.J. Simpson and I'm in hot pursuit of the real
>> killer.
>>
>>2. Don't talk to me, officer, talk to K.I.T.
>>
>>1. I just took a laxative. Now either let me go or watch me go, your
>> choice.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Top 10 Ways You Know You Drink Too Much Coffee (Para :P)
>>
>>10. Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
>>
>>9. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
>>
>>8. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
>>
>>7. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
>>
>>6. Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyd's of London.
>>
>>5. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not
>> plugged in.
>>
>>4. Your life goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
>>
>>3. You channel surf faster without a remote.
>>
>>2. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
>>
>>1. You're so jittery that people use your hands to shake paint cans.
>>
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Top 10 Internet TV Shows
>>
>>10. Modem, She Wrote - Each week our intrepid detective tries to solve
>> the  ultimate mystery of why her modem won't ever connect at 56k.
>>
>>9. Micro-CHiPs - Ponch and Jon now patrol the Information Superhighway.
>>
>>8. Carly's Angels - Chief exec Carly Fiorina instructs her team of
>> three  vixen market analysts on how to prop up HP's sagging stock
>> price.
>>
>>7. Hawaii 6.0 - An upgraded version of the classic series, Steve
>> McGarrett  goes surfing for bad guys online.
>>
>>6. T. J. Hacker - A retired cop, with an uncanny resemblance to James
>> T.  Kirk, takes up computer hacking to track down the miscreants who
>> canceled  his TV show.
>>
>>5. The Excel Files - Inexplicable things are happening to the data in
>> Microsoft Excel spreadsheets. Can this puzzle be solved? The truth is
>> out  there.
>>
>>4. The AOL-Team - Each week, AOL, Time Warner, Netscape, and Mr. T
>> unite to  battle the powerful Microsoft empire and make the world safe
>> for  capitalism.
>>
>>3. Magnum, PC - This series about a crime-solving personal computer
>> that  goes by the code name Deep Blue is based in beautiful Hawaii.
>> Season finale  cliff-hanger: Will Deep Blue be seduced by the wily
>> charms of the penguin  known as Linux?
>>
>>2. The Incredible Bulk - The exciting adventures of Windows which just
>> keeps growing and growing.
>>
>>1. Buffy the Virus Slayer - Buffy and her fearless gang of antivirus
>> definitions stalk and kill VBS files - no small feat while wearing a
>> halter  top and high-heeled boots.
>>------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Top Ten Questions To Ponder When You Have Nothing Better To Do
>>
>>10. What is the speed of dark?
>>
>>9. When you're sending someone Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
>>
>>8. If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
>>
>>7. How come you never hear about gruntled employees?
>>
>>6. After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out
>> of  the water?
>>
>>5. What's another word for synonym?
>>
>>4. Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a
>> shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?
>>
>>3. Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?
>>
>>2. How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
>>
>>1. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>> ------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>>Top 10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should
>>
>>10. Aquadextrous: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on
>> and  off with your toes.
>>
>>9. Carperpetuation: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string
>> or a  piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking
>> it up,  examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one
>> more chance.
>>
>>8. Disconfect: To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor
>> by  blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.
>>
>>7. Elbonics: The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a
>>  movie theater.
>>
>>6. Frust: The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the
>> dust  pan and keep backing a person across the room until he finally
>> decides to  give up and sweep it under the rug.
>>
>>5. Lactomangulation: Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk
>> container  so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
>>
>>4. Peppier: The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems
>> to be  walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
>>
>>3. Phonesia: The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting
>> whom  you were calling just as they answer.
>>
>>2. Pupkus: The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its
>> nose  to it.
>>
>>1. Telecrastination: The act of always letting the phone ring at least
>> twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
>
> _________________________________________________________________
> Help STOP SPAM with the new MSN 8 and get 2 months FREE*
> http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail
>
> _______________________________________________
> Trash-talk mailing list
> Trash-talk at tcp.com
> http://www.tcp.com/mailman/listinfo/trash-talk

.::d-fate::.
c:h:o:k:e o:n g:u:i:l:t
www.devilsfate.com