[Trash-talk] NEW AND FINAL DIARIES!!!!

[Lauren Merka]

Shirley has posted the last diary of 2002 at www.garbage.com

Tour Diary #41 (Last entry of 2002)

Friday 22nd of Nov
Arrived in LA yesterday morning to face the prospect of yet another day
off.An old school friend of mine, over from Scotland on business, joined me
and the boys later on for dinner.We've been friends ever since we were 10
yrs old when we met playing recorder in the back row of the school
orchestra,bonding over our mutal hatred of the teachers pet who almost
always got to play LEAD recorder and sit at the front.We've remained
steadfast buddies ever since and have watched each other grow from gangly
school kid to gangly adult.Much of my evening last night was spent trying to
dissuade her from telling Duke and Steve all kinds of embarassing tales at
my expense from days gone by!!!!!!

Saturday
All I want to listen to at the moment is the sea.
All I want to eat is sushi.
All I want to wear is something soft and white.
All I want to smell of is roses.
All I want to say is: I can't be bothered in the slightest writing in my
journal today except to note the fact that I met Herb Ritts last night after
our set and I was quite excited and elated by this fact ,only to bound into
my dressing room immediately after our chance meeting and have to recoil in
horror having seen my big, red, sweaty face reflect back at me in the mirror
with an exceedingly large red circle of lipstick on my chin which got
imprinted there during the show when Steve accidentally headbutted the
microphone into my face.
I looked just like a clown who's big red nose got stuck on the wrong part of
his anatomy.
How undignified!!!!
Ha ha ha ha.........

Sunday
Didn't have the greatest show last night for some reason although I cheered
up quite considerably
once I came off stage and ate copious amounts of sushi and then strode on
stage with Brody at the end of No Doubt's set and sang "Call Me" for the
third and what was,for numerous logistical reasons the last time we will
ever perform that particular song together on this tour.We'd rehearsed it at
soundcheck for once so we actually all sang it pretty well and it didn't
seem like the crazed flail that it has been in the past.
There was such a magical vibe last night though when we got up on
stage.Everyone was relaxed and happy and "The Three Diva's" felt connected
and in tune and we were all grinning like half wits and I thought to
myself...this is how tours should always be.Chaotic and energetic and full
of fun.
After the show we all piled back to Adrian's house for a party and
Sophie,Brody and I spent the entire night growing increasingly animated
about god only knows what, which then of course culminated into a full scale
argument over total and complete nonsense which is what generally happens
when girls like us attend parties that spin into the night.It was so cute
because Gwen was in utter heaven due to the fact that Gavin had just flown
in from London earlier in the evening and so needless to say, they spent the
entire night just looking so happy and sickeningly gorgeous together. I
wished I could bottle the entire atmosphere of the night and pour it over
every single tour I ever do in the future.
Listened to Original Pirate Material by The Streets at stun volume when I
got back to the hotel and felt fully satiated by the events of the
evening.Oh life can be so fucking great sometimes.

Monday
Oh god.I am hungover for the second day in a row and I feel AWFUL.Absolutely
AWFUL!!.How am I ever going to be able to play a show tonight!??!?
Must have a bath and steam my vocal chords and drink water until it's
bursting out my mouth!!!!!
Went out for dinner with some friends last night before hooking up with
Sophie at the Chateaux Marmont .God it's so heavenly in there.We sat outside
in the garden and I felt like I was on my holidays so I ended up supping on
far too many margaritas than is considered prudent and getting plastered for
a second night in a row.It's all Sophie's fault.She's a bad influence on me.
My darling Brody popped by later and joined us for a while before heading
off into the sunset to meet Courtney who's recording down the street from
the hotel.Ooooh the last few days have been so much fun.I feel like I'm
living inside a movie about rockbands.It's crazy.
Tallking of rockbands...recieved an e-mail from a friend back home who told
me about all the nonsense in a Scottish paper about me scorning my old band
and their plans for a reunion gig on Hogmany.
To set the record straight for the journalist responsible for such
inaccurate reporting............ I did indeed get contacted about the
possibility of performing with Goodbye Mr Mackenzie,the day AFTER it was
announced in the paper that I was in discussions about such a performance. I
then sent an e-mail to my former band informing them that unfortunately I
would be unable to join them on stage that night due to previous
commitments.There was no scorning of anyone involved.The details in your
article are inacurate and you have also reprinted extracts from my journal
without prior written consent which is infact in breach of copyright and
considered illegal .

Tuesday
Played in Bakersfield last night.
The last time we visited Bakersfield,we were playing at the Kern County Fair
and our dressing room trailer was situated right next door to the pig pens
and the cattle enclosures and I swear to god, the stench of bullshit and pig
piss permeated my jacket for days afterwards.
Mercifully we played inside a stadium last night.Thank goodness for
that!!!!!

Wednesday
Woke up feeling really sad this morning.Played our second to last show last
night and realised how much I've enjoyed this tour and how much I'm going to
miss the girls when we part ways.It's weird because this is what touring
must be like for guys all the time....getting to hang out with their peers
and enjoy a commonality that is difficult to find in the real world.But for
us women, it's just so fucking rare to be on tour with another female in any
capacity let alone have another female musician on the tour.
Brody and I sat for a while in my dressing room talking shit yesterday and
then suddenly we were both like "Oh my god...........I'm gonna miss this."
and "Oh my god....I might never see you again."
It was pretty weird.

hursday.
Happy Thanksgiving

Friday 29th of Nov
Eeeeuch I feel disgusting this morning.I ate far too much yesterday and
quite literally, pigged out on chocolate from the minute I got up until the
moment I lay down in bed.
Also feeling rather blue about the fact that the tour is going to come to an
end tonight and facing the harsh reality that it's highly unlikely that I
will ever get to be on a tour like this again..... in the company of two
other female musicians I really love and respect.It will be back to the All
Testosterone touring circuit again.Unless of course there is a sudden ground
swell of ballsy girls who break out of the ghetto and into the light.
Just about to run out the door to meet Sophie for a late breakfast and a
brief chat about an idea we're working on before heading off to the Long
Beach Arena.Talking of which......I've loved having Sophie out on tour.She's
such an amazing, inspiring person to have around and I'm going to miss her
badly.I've loved getting to see her every single day for the past three
weeks.She's a joy.

Saturday
Oh my god.I can't believe it.Our world tour has finally ground to a
halt.It's all over and I'm in the airplane on my way back to Madison and I'm
fucking freaking OUT. I really hate this part of what I do.The sudden plunge
back into the real world.It's not that I hate the real world.......i love
it........but it's just such a radical departure from what I've become
accustomed to.
Mercifully the last show (our 3rd in Long Beach Arena) went off without a
hitch.We played really well.......SUPER tight and everyone was feeling
relaxed and the crowd.........ohmygod the crowd!!!!! They were fucking
incredible!!!!They went OFF.They gave us such a fantastic response that we
were all grinning like maniacs after the show.Later on we all went to a club
around the corner from the venue for a party but Brody and I were feeling
blue and not really in the mood for celebrating in a loud club so we said
our good byes to Gwen and went home.It was really horrid cause we've grown
so unnaturally close in such a short period of time and had so much fun
together that I'm really going to miss them.But anyway.......such is
life.Onto the next adventure I suppose.
Thanks must go out to all our fans for everything you have done for us this
year.We had a rough one in part but a magnificent one nevertheless .I cannot
express my gratitude so I won't even try.You'll just have to feel it coming
at you and know it's real.
Happy Holidays everyone.Be safe and be happy and be a little naughty if you
have to, cause it's cliched but it's true. You only live once.
x



[posted 12/16/2002 U.S.A.]