[Trash-talk] OHWIR dress - question

[Alan Hoppe]

> Although there is someone I know who wants me to participate in their
local
> fashion show event and dress up in drag. Heyyyyyy I should tell them I
want
> to be Shirley from Only Happy When It Rains!
>
> I can see it all now .. I fall down during the event, right before going
out
> onto the runway, and I bonk my head .. just like in that Gilligan's Island
> episode where Mary Ann hits her head and thinks that she's Ginger .. and I
> think that I'm actually Shirley Manson, because when I go out onto the
> runway throngs of people are screaming "Shirley! Shirley!" and I'm
> discombobulated and overwhelmed. So trying to fit the pieces of my
identity
> back together, the distant shards of memory, the OHWIR video imagery, and
> the current throng of "Shirley!" screaming, all make me turn into Shirley
in
> my fragile mind.
>
> And then I disappear from the event mysteriously. I turn up in various
> places, wandering about, sauntering through public restrooms, doing high
> kicks in malls and then running dramatically, and a team of scientists and
> concerned friends all try to find me, following leads and sightings.
>
> This could turn into a summer adventure!

Further amped up with coffee, I dreamt of the dramatic conclusion :

Realising that I was delusional to the point of it possibly causing
permanent emotional damage if I wasn't properly coaxed out of my Sybill-like
Shirley-personality, the cautious team of scientists and psychologists
approached Shirley herself, saying that the only way for me to truly realise
that I wasn't Shirley would be a one-on-one encounter with her.

She agrees, and upon learning that I am at an all-night diner, starting to
really be kinda stinky after weeks parading around like the queen of sheba
in my blue dress and now-smeared eyeliner, the rescue team transports her
there.

[ this conclusion on the part of the rescue team is quite curious, however,
as in the original Gilligan's Island episode, everyone just plays along with
Mary Ann, afraid that if she were to spot Ginger acting like Ginger, she
might suffer a breakdown. but anyway ]

So we now cut to the all-night diner. Alone, staring off into space,
Shirley-Alan takes a sip of her coffee, scribbling song lyrics of angst
amidst the XO doodles on her paper place mat, thumbing through the menu. But
what's this? Shirley-Shirley slips into the seat across from Shirley-Alan,
ever so quietly ...

"I'm not going to have you arrested am I?" she says with wry smirk, almost
under her breath.

*doon doon* The spell is instantly broken! I peer down at myself and an
overwhelming sense of horror and embarassment overtakes me, and I feel my
entire body turn bright red. Shirley laughs, a laugh that is heard
throughout the diner .. "Here ..." she hands me a hand mirror. "Eeeek!" I
chortle. "Yeah .. this look just isn't your best one, I must say."

So meanwhile, outside, the team of scientists, psychologists, and friends,
with walkie-talkies and things, all sit in the stakeout van, watching. They
decide to wait. It appears to be going smoothly. Hey waitaminute .. the
waitress is taking their order! "We might be here awhile" muses Karin.

And Shirley-Shirley and Alan-Shirley dine on pancakes and talk about the
joys of crazed fandom. The end.